« Skoptic Syndrome
Linkage #7 »

Modern Day Romeo and Juliet?

Two relationships, both alike in dignity,
In fair Wellington, where we lay our scene

chelsea3.jpgWhen I met my girlfriend in 2005, I was 23 and she was 19. A bit of an age difference, but it’s worked out fine. I was struck by the age difference in the latest teacher-student relationship story: 24 and 16. Early twenties / late teens – not that much different to my own relationship.

The story goes, Luke McIndoe, a 24-year-old drama teacher and Chelsea Havard, a 16-year-old sixth form student, both of Masterton, had a relationship for a few months until they were ‘outed’, at which time Luke promptly quit his job and they both moved to Wellington.

lukemcindoe.jpgOk, so what’s the big deal? There seems to be three controversial things about this relationship:

  1. Luke is 8 years older than Chelsea
  2. Chelsea is a high-school student
  3. Luke was her teacher at the time they started their relationship

The Age difference
If 16 is the age of consent, why is the fact that Chelsea is having a relationship with an older man such a big deal? At 16+ in sixth form, my friends and I were perfectly ready to make lots of life decisions, including relationship decisions. This isn’t complicated: Chelsea Havard is either above or below the age of consent (and here I mean mentally, not legally; the law is an ass). Anyone who thinks that Chelsea is ‘too young’ and ‘doesn’t know any better’ is denying the fact that she is a normal healthy intelligent young woman who can make her own choices. In fact, it smacks of benevolent sexism.

She’s a high school student
chelsea2.jpg Most high-school age girls at some point have boyfriends, many of whom are older than them. A 16 year old sixth former can get paid employment, choose to leave home and even decide to have a baby. At 16, most people are big enough and ugly enough to make their own decisions.

He was her teacher
Ok so this is the big one. The teacher-student relationship has supposedly got an imbalance of power (but surely not as much as a boss-employee relationship. chelsea1.jpgAnd there are no laws against that. Given our acceptance of boss-employee relationships, and Chelsea being of the age of consent, I don’t think Luke being her teacher is the end of world like people are making it out to be.

Her parents even seem OK with the relationship. On the other hand, Chelsea’s sister and – understandably – her ex-boyfriend seem a bit miffed.

The moral of the story? Follow your heart, but quit your job before anyone notices the conflict of interest? Maybe not.

How about: Their psychologically scarring real-life drama is our online amusement.

  • ScoopIt
  • Reddit
  • NewsVine
  • del.icio.us
  • Digg
  • Technorati
  • StumbleUpon
  • SphereIt
  • TailRank

Posted by Luke H on Tuesday, March 13th, 2007 at 7:12 pm.

8 Responses to “Modern Day Romeo and Juliet?”

I don’t think the age was the issue, as opposed to the power imbalence between them (which is still pretty bullshit, as almost every relationship has a power imbalance).

Relationships like this are so common in NZ its not funny, why does this need national media attention. They were both of legal consenting age – why is this newsworthy?

Gravatar

Left by MikeE on March 13th, 2007

You’re right MikeE – I think this story is seen as ‘newsworthy’ for two reasons:

1) both Luke and Chelsea have an online presence, so the media can get photos (ooh look a pretty white girl!) and it becomes a little detective story for everyone online

2) teacher-student relationships in general have been getting lots of press recently as part of the Culture of Fear, ie, your kids aren’t safe at school so We Need To Arrest All Male Teachers.

As far as why I chose to blog about it, it resonates deliciously with an unrelated romance-gone-publicly-wrong-online which Phil and I wrote about in 2005 (last link in the post).

Gravatar

Left by Luke on March 13th, 2007

Here in the states we’ve had an odd assortment of similar “sordid affairs” though ours involve an inverse as female teachers have taken on relationships with male students, many of whom are under the age of 16.

I have a difficult time believing a relationship between a 16 year old highschool student and a 24 year old teacher (or otherwise)can be rooted in anything emotionally/intellectually concrete. What the hell do they talk about?

At the risk of putting forth faux psychology (as I am no psychologist) I’d opine that these two are in very different stages of both social and emotional “strata” (if you will) where as you (Luke) and your lady were (are) in more compatible stages.

I think the legal aspect of this is hollow but the ethical aspect bears merit. Were I the father of a 16 year old girl (the equivalent of a highschool junior here in the US) I can say I’d have enough trouble with my daughter dating guys her own age much less a teacher.

Gravatar

Left by subadei on March 14th, 2007

Subadei, of course if she were my own daughter I would have difficulty being ‘understanding’ about it. I think that says more about the relationships between fathers and daughters than relationships between 16 and 24 year olds.

One thing you must keep in mind is that the age of sexual consent in New Zealand is 16. 16 and 17 year old men and women have sexual relationships all the time.

I knew many young women in my high school were quite mature in terms of emotional/social/intellectual strata. Assuming anything about Chelsea’s mental/emotional development is speculating.

My post is obviously taking a devils-advocate stance, so to continue that – two questions for you:

Who said a relationship should ethically be based on emotional/intellectual grounds?

What if the genders were reversed? A 16 year old man and a 24 year old woman …

Gravatar

Left by Luke on March 14th, 2007

“One thing you must keep in mind is that the age of sexual consent in New Zealand is 16.”

Luke, the age of consent in my own state (Vermont) is also 16.

As far as Chelsea’s mental/emotional maturity, no doubt you’re correct. My take is pure speculation. Further, the American system of maturity might well differ from that of New Zealand. As an American I, of course, opine accordingly.

That said:

“Who said a relationship should ethically be based on emotional/intellectual grounds?”

Indeed in a general sense all should be free to pursue consentual relationships within the law. If a man who has surpassed the social typhoon of uncertainty that is high school and engaged a mentality of defining his adulthood can find common ground with a girl that has yet to pick out her prom dress (again we’re [perhaps] back to the cultural divide, yet I’ll press on) then so be it. In the eyes of the law it’s acceptable. Might raise a few eyebrows socially, but c’est la vie.

The ethical divide (IMO) occurs when a teacher takes on a student as his (or her) lover. If anything the nepotistic possibilities are worrying. Furthermore, how can a teacher maintain an authoritative position if they are essentially kicked down to that of peer through their sexual proclivities? To be crass, how seriously can you take a teacher that’s banging the chick (or dude) sitting next to you?

“What if the genders were reversed? A 16 year old man and a 24 year old woman …”

Of course the natural response (as a man who was once 16 years old) is a high five. But then, such is the effect of masculinity. “Go get some!!” I won’t argue or deny that, to do so would be dishonest. No doubt I’m naturally gender biased. To this degree I cannot honestly take an objective point of view as I’ve never been a 16 year old girl. But…

As far as the teacher aspect is concerned I don’t see a difference, ethically. It’s not about the gender in this case it’s about responsibility and maintaining the institution of education.

Gravatar

Left by subadei on March 14th, 2007

The case does present ethical issues. Sure, the power aspect is exaggerated. It just shouldn’t happen at the same time as the student is in the teachers class – put it on hold for a few months, transfer to a different school, whatever. And the same with doctors.

It’s interesting that the power-difference aspect is emphasised for teacher/student and doctor/patient relationships, but other poweful individuals eg politicians, judges and police officers aren’t denied the right to have sexual relationships with people of their choice.

Gravatar

Left by Phil on March 14th, 2007

Besides the teacher/student thing, this is nobody else’s business, young women above the age of consent have affairs with men double their age and above all the time. There are young men who do the same with women.

Her being at school disturbs people, but does the state know better? The student/teacher matter should be employment related you can’t have teachers interfering in that relationship as a matter of course – but it will always happen and in most cases no one ever finds out.

Gravatar

Left by libertyscott on March 15th, 2007

I dont really think it is any one elses buisness but theirs. Imagine what she must be feeling having people talk about her decision like this?

Gravatar

Left by Anna on April 2nd, 2007

Something to say?